Man to Future-in-Laws: In Spite of My Success, You Think I’m Marrying Your Daughter for Your Wealth

“Whilst it is not desired to plan for the end of a relationship, the reality is that sometimes marriages do break down, and it is often, therefore, desirable to ensure financial security for you both through creating a prenuptial agreement. A prenuptial agreement is a document that sets out what will happen to a couple’s assets in the event of divorce. It is signed before a marriage or civil partnership takes place and must be fair to both parties, considering the financial circumstances of them both,” according to Ramsdens Solicitors.

In this case, it’s the parents of the bride who wanted to protect their daughter and her inheritance. Along with a prenuptial agreement drafted by their attorney, they were going to give the couple a “wedding gift” — a house that’s in the name of the bride, groom excluded.

How did the groom feel upon learning about these matters? He revealed it all on Reddit’s r/AmItheA–hole forum under the username u/Due_Policy1268, where he wrote, “My fiancee [27F] and I [29M] grew up very differently. I was an immigrant who moved here when I was 6, and we were definitely struggling a lot. My parents worked extremely hard to provide for me and siblings, and they always prioritized our education over everything. My dad always told me it was his dream to live in a house that he owned, since we’d always rented, but he couldn’t save up enough since we were renting in expensive areas with good schools.”

But sadly, according to OP, both of his parents passed away before they could attain their dream home. However, despite losing his dad when he was just 17, OP persevered in life. By securing student loans, scholarships, and part-time jobs, he was able to complete his education.

Meanwhile, his fiancee grew up in luxury. She had it all, from private schools and designer clothes to vacations abroad three to four times a year. But, according to OP, his fiancee has remained level-headed, albeit she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Her accomplishments have not been influenced by her parents’ wealth.

OP continued to relate, “My fiancee and I met 6 years ago when we started working at the same company, in the same position, at the same time, after graduating from college. We hit it off almost instantly, and it didn’t take long for us to start dating. Both of us still work at the company; however, I’ve progressed through the career ladder a bit more quickly than she has and now make just over twice what she does. I’ll be the first to admit that this is completely undeserved, and I’ve benefitted from a lot of luck and definitely some sexism as well, since we work in a male-dominated field.”

Since he was able to settle his student loans more quickly than expected, OP started saving for a house to fulfill his parents’ dream.

Everything was going great, but that was until a recent weekend when they were at his fiancee’s home. Her parents informed them about a wedding present they were giving them — a house. His fiancee was overjoyed, but OP wanted to know more about this gift.

This was what happened next, from OP’s post, “Pretty quickly, her parents told us that the house would be in her name only and that they expected us to sign a prenup to protect any (and only) pre-marriage assets ‘just in case.’ I was insulted that they thought I was after their money at all since I make more than she does anyway, and I ended up telling them that they can’t call it a wedding present if they only give it to one person. I then told my fiancee I refused to live in a house that I don’t own, and she knows exactly why.”

And yet, both parents and his fiancee were greatly displeased with OP. He had to leave her behind due to his great disappointment. In his painful confusion, OP turned to the AITA community to ask if he’s an a-hole for his reaction.

Well, in OP’s updates after reading the online comments, he and his fiancee discussed the matters about the house and the prenup. But this was also after his fiancee’s sisters talked to each of them. Clearly, her younger sister had knocked sense into his fiancee’s head by making her realize that their parents’ scheme was unfair to OP. She reminded OP’s fiancee how important it is for him to live in his own house, just as his parents had always dreamed of. OP’s fiancee admitted to him that she felt so guilty after that talk and said she must change her daddy’s girl attitude.

Meanwhile, his fiancee’s older sister had told OP that when she got married, their parents didn’t ask her husband to sign a prenup, and this was because he came from a well-off family. And so, she too felt disagreeable to their parents’ conditions that were being imposed on OP.

Moreover, there was also the issue about OP’s being a Pakistani, which he could feel was a concern for his fiancee’s parents. They were worried that their future children would be treated differently by their family members.

The couple arrived at a decision to accept the house as a wedding gift, only if both of their names were on the title. As for a prenup, each of them would get their separate attorneys to ensure fairness for both parties.

And this is OP’s latest update: “We then called her parents together and told them our plan. They grumbled about it a bit initially, especially because her dad was still upset that I had been so ungrateful, but eventually, we were able to talk it through, and they agreed to the plan. I doubt that this is the last I hear about this, but at least for now, it seems like the situation is mostly resolved.”